June 14th, 2016 - Toby

To those of you who want the short version, today we had to put our English Springer Spaniel, Toby down. The AKC name my brother and I chose for him when we first got him was Sir Skylar Tobias of the Lea (we were reading books set in the medieval times and couldn't decide on the names Skylar or Tobias at first).

We ask for prayers for our family as Toby was an irreplaceable part of our family and there's a huge hole in our lives with him gone. Please just don't ask us if we are okay or how we are doing as that will only bring on the emotions we are struggling with. Share stories or offer condolences, just please not the above questions. We could really use prayer right now.

Here's the bad from today first before I share the good memories of him. These last few weeks, Toby hasn't been himself. He has tried to be though, for our sake I believe. Mom came home from work and Toby was breathing really heavy and couldn't stand. She called me and I got home as fast as I could after work. At 5:15, we decided that we would bring him to my dad's workplace and we would decide what to do from there. He was able to walk to the back but I carried him from there to the car. We picked dad up and went to Heartland on Main Street. I can only thank the staff for doing all that they could and for caring for him in the best way that they could. Today we were told the following diagnosis: Toby had a pretty significant heart murmur, a 5 on a scale of 1 to 6. The heart murmur was causing blood to flow backwards into his lungs. He was older, 12 years (we got him in the spring of 2009). He also had testicular tumors that may have possibly (a high possibility at that) spread to the rest of his body.

If I had known today would be his last day, I would've stayed home from work to spend the whole day with him.

Here are the memories that I will cling to now that he is gone. Toby wanted to like water, but he hated getting wet. We used to spray him with the hose and he would run around the yard and tease us with how far the hose would go. When we would fill up a plastic pool, we would cup the water and toss it to him and he would try to bite it out of the air. Whenever it was too much water and would splash in his face, he would look at us a bit disgusted, as if he couldn't believe we would let him get splashed. When we brought him to Oak Lake, he loved walking straight off the dock and dropping into the water only to resurface and discover he didn't like not being able to touch the bottom. And when I say walk off the dock, he would literally stick his foot out as if to walk on the water and just PLOP! He would swim to the shore only to do it all over again. Whenever we asked him to "sing" he would actually sing to us in sharp pitches. He loved to sing and get Boone to join him. He used to sleep at the very end of my bed when he was able to jump up. He liked being toward the end, but every now and then he would take up half the bed, close enough that I could actually snuggle him. But that was only allowed for a while.

One time when dad wanted to cut his hair, dad pointed downstairs and told him to go. Toby looked at him for a second and slowly growled his way the whole length of the stairs. We couldn't help but laugh because he sounded like such a grouchy child complaining the whole time about how life wasn't fair. We used to call him "Thunderpaws" because he really liked to make sure you know he was on his way. We always called him Toby-Doo and he had gorgeous curly ears. His fur used to be so black that it had a blue sheen to it. He liked ice cubes, coffee, peanut butter, and deer meat. When he was a puppy, we were told his eyes were defective because they were square-shaped but we always loved how his eyes looked. My 50-60lb lap puppy who liked to sleep in someone's lap no matter how heavy or warm he was.

Toby was my floor buddy, always laying up against whoever would sit on the floor to pet him. He was my family and I miss him very much.

And here are the last pictures I took of him, today just an hour before we had to say goodbye.

Love you forever Toby-Doo

One of My Biggest Fears

A dear friend of mine went through what is one of my biggest fears, taking precedence even over fear of being eaten by a shark. Losing a child before they have a chance to live.

My heart breaks for her and her family. It has been two years since she wrote this. As I read her story, I broke down several times in tears, still after two years. If you want to read her story, "Empty", here it is: http://lostinterrobang.blogspot.com/2014/01/empty.html . I would encourage you to check out her whole blog as well.

Even though I'm currently behind in "the game" (meaning it's just me and myself currently ha), all girls dream of their futures. Be it future wedding, life, children, house, etc. And every time I think about my future children, I cannot help but worry about losing one of them.

But for me, I know that my God is bigger than my worries and when that time comes, I'll need to turn my worries over to Him.

Thoughts on Teacher Pay

Don't get out your pitchforks and torches folks! It's been such a long time since I last posted, I know and I apologize. But that's what happens when life hits you smack in the face and since hitting the ground running, you haven't stopped. But I figured I would weigh in on this teacher pay issue we're experiencing in South Dakota.

I recently got into a discussion with someone and a comment that was made really made me bristle. It really got my goat, you know? Here's the exact comment for you: "Find a first grade teacher who can throw like Cam or Payton and we'll pay them millions...to throw a football." 

Let me get this straight. The implication being stated here is the work that I do is not as valuable as the work that an NFL player does? The hours I spend trying to teach kids in creative and innovative ways so that school isn't "boring" and "a waste of time" to them isn't worth jack compared to the ability to throw a pigskin down a field? How is the value (return on investment) that we as teachers pour into students proportionate to the long duration of our employment? Heck, I would learn how to be an NFL player, even if it was to be paid millions to be the back-up kicker and ride the bench all year for a short period of employment. But where's the value in that? These guys can be role models for kids, absolutely! Plus being in the national spotlight gives them great opportunities to be role models for kids. But that's not the same as shaping the minds of the future generations into thinking for themselves and discovering their purpose. That's the value of teaching. Can football do that?

Don't get me wrong, I love football. But in my opinion, this pay difference IS sad. It's vexing to be honest. I'm not saying that Cam and Peyton don't work hard. But they get paid millions to play sports. To throw a pigskin down a field. To catch a ball and run with it. After they retire, they would never need to work another day in their lives.  You have teachers and veterans being forced to pick up 2nd and 3rd jobs in order to afford to live. 

Show me an NFL player that can teach groups of kids effectively on the salary that I make, which is 0.00161905 of what they make a year (looking at Cam's annual salary), while also being heavily scrutinized and bombarded with content standards and standardized tests that have nothing to do with learning and everything to do with being a good test taker. So for every dollar I make, Cam makes $617.65. Soldiers get crap pay and they protect our country, sacrifice a lot of the comforts we have, go through things just so we here at home never have to experience them. A teacher (and I'm speaking from personal experience here) gets paid crap pay for the amount of work that they do. It's not just knowing my content area and finding multiple ways to teach it to students so that they understand the concepts and apply them. It's not just an 8-5 job, Monday through Friday. It's all hours of the day, 7 days a week. I don't have the luxury of an offseason. My summer is used to prepare for the upcoming year by reflecting on the last year's lessons and how I'm going to improve those lessons. During the school year from 8-4, I have students in my room and we're off to the intellectual races. After those instructional hours, it's lesson planning and grading on top of trying to find resources while proving to the department of education that I'm an effective teacher. It's communicating with parents and being a professional in dealing with many different aspects. Which is a whole other topic I'd like to get to at a later time.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. And it isn't all doom and gloom. I love what I do and I love those kids. I love watching them come to a realization or take what I am teaching to the next level. Finding a book that holds them captive within the confines of its pages. The good far outweighs any bad and the bad instances are few and far in between. But, not everyone can be a teacher. It's hard work and it takes a lot of practice and failing in order to be a better teacher. Here's an acronym I use with my students: F.A.I.L. = First Attempt In Learning. I'm not trying to say that I'm valuable and I deserve better pay. I'm saying that I aspire to be a better teacher because if I do the bare minimum, I'm failing those kids. I have just affected them in a negative way and the consequences won't be immediately seen. How could I live with the weight of that? This question literally drives me to strive to be better - so that I can better serve those kids. What I am saying is that when you compare the different salaries, obviously something is seriously wrong.

Okay, seriously though let's get back on task. Let us break this whole issue of teacher pay down so thta we can better understand what I'm getting at here. Let's say on average I work 12 hours a day for 6 days (just throwing some numbers out; they vary from day to day. Sometimes 10 hours, 16 hours, 5 or 7 days) That's 3, 744 hours in a year (52 weeks) worked versus 2, 080 hours from those who work 40 hour work weeks. At $34,000 a year divided by 3, 744 hours, I make $9 an hour. Now take a look at the cost of living (i.e. school loan repayments, rent, utilities, groceries, etc.). I don't even want to figure that one out - it's that depressing. IF Cam Newton worked the same hours I did, he's still making $5,608.97 an hour compared to my $9 an hour.  Math teachers, how did I do with that? I'm an English major so you have to let me know, math is not my forte. 

The reason we're having a problem in South Dakota is because it is too easy to jump into another state and get better pay. Or even to get a waitressing job which I could make more money and work 40 hours a week instead of what I do now. I could go back to working at Wal-Mart as a CSM and make more money an hour while only having to work 40 hours a week. Obviously I'm not in it for the money, I'm teaching in order to try to create a positive learning environment. But the pay does suck. 

Here's a little video that really sums up nicely what I'm trying to get at here:

If you've stuck with me this far, I really appreciate your interest! Thank you for taking the time to read this post and hopefully it gets you thinking!